Life as I see it...

Sc`hool

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 04:08:49 GMT

Since more than one person has asked, I'll make a note here about school. Even with all the craziness going on, school is actually really great. I'm so glad I decided to go back. First semester went off with out a hitch and I got all good grades. This semester seems like it is going to be a bit of a heavier work load and math is kicking my ass but I'll wade my way through it somehow. As long as some stupid kids don't get one of my favorite teachers in trouble.

She hurt her shoulder really bad on a school trip to Hawaii over the break (yeah, I know... wouldn't we all love to get paid to go to Hawaii) but anyway... So she missed the first two weeks of school. The first week we had a fill in teacher. The second week we just didn't have class on Monday then watched a video on Wednesday (no class Tuesday or Thursday). Then I heard some of the others kids talking about how ridiculous that was and that if she wasn''t there on Friday then they were going to the dean. These are kids that, like me, had her class the semester before and know how good of a teacher she is. It's not like she didn't make a back up plan and such. And it's not like she purposely got hurt so she wouldn't have to teach. I missed Friday so I don't know what came of it. Guess I"ll find out when I go to class tomorrow.

Being back home is still weird but not as horrible as I feared. I think things will settle down once my father in law leaves to go back out on the road. It may be just everything going on but his obvious dislike of my parents (to me, not them thankfully) and their house is REALLY getting on my nerves.

Back steps

Sun, 01 Feb 2009 04:56:17 GMT

I feel like I've been stepping backwards a lot lately. I've gone back to school, back to the place where I had my first job... and now I'm back to living in my parents house. The only saving grace is that this time I have a husband in tow. We just couldn't afford the place we were in anymore and had no where else to go and they had an extra room. So here I am, sitting in the room that I lived in two years ago with my husband sleeping beside me, his dad across the hall and my parents downstairs. It's just all soooo weird. The first night here I actually almost worried that I was going to wake up and find that the last two years had just been a dream. But of course i didn't and now I'm just hoping that once his dad leaves to go truck driving again and we can get our stuff put away, that things might start to feel a little normal. If nothing else its a major incentive to stay in school and get my degree so that someday we can be totally independant and stand on our own.
More later. That is one plus, I'm back with full time internet. That's also a minus though becuase the internet seems to cause problems with Ed and I. But that's a story for another day. RIght now it's bedtime.

COLLEGE!!

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 20:55:03 GMT

Well, life hasn't been easy lately but things are definatly looking up. Today has probably been the best day since my wedding. First I got a job back at Albertsons where I used to work. I'm back in the bakery now which is something that I've never done before but I'm sure I can learn it no problem. At least it's a job and working with people that I know and like.

AND.. I get to go back to school. It has been a total up and down road over the last month of wether I would be able to or not. First I was looking into scholarships for January and couldn't find anything. Then thought I'd just try and get FAFSA and see what happened and originally they told me that I would get a full ride. Then things changed so that I was only going to get about half of what I need but that they could get me a student loan. But the student loan wouldn't be processed by the first day of school so that I could get my books. The first lady I talked to made it sound like it would take ages to get the money and that I would have to borrow the money from someone else which just isn't a possiblitly.

So I wnet down there to withdraw today but decided that I would try to talk to the lady who first signed me up who had been so helpful. The lady at the front desk didn't really want to let me through but I was insistant so finally I got to talk to her and she's like, oh yeah, it's no big deal we'll just rush this and you'll have your books by the end of next week. EESH!! Why couldn't the other lady just say that??

Anyway, so I start class tommorrow. I'm majoring in Secondary Education with a focus on English so four years from now I will be certified to be a high school english teacher :) :) :) So So happy right now. This semester I'm taking Public Speaking (ick) British and American Lit (yay), Psychology (eh) and Intro to Education (yay) plus working full time and trying to find time to spend with my husband and parents.

Still I think I'm going to be able to keep in better touch with y'all. Every friday I'll have a free hour between classes that I can spend in the computer room catching up with y'all. I've so missed all my friends :)

The wedding

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 18:21:36 GMT

I said I would write more of the day when everything calmed down and then it never happend. :p So here goes, a blow by blow memory of that day. I'll put it behind a cut becuase I figure it's going to get a bit long.

The weekend had been totally crazy. My oldest brother, Roy, had gotten in late on the 4th and then everyone came over to our house for a fireworks show. They left just before midnight then we continued to about 1AM before finally crashing. The next day was filled with running around picking up the final supplies and rentals and trying to spend time with my brother who I hadn't seen in about 10 years. Ed's sister and her family arrived that afternoon. As with any family with four kids they are always followed by chaos. LOL. But it was the fun kind of chaos. So after having lunch we spent the rest of the day playing with the kids then went to the rehearsal.

I'll admit, at the rehearsal I was a little worried. The priest was late, the kids didn't want to pay attention and no one really knew what they were doing. The mosquitoes were super bad too. We all had bug spray on but they were still pestering us like crazy. Still, everyone got the general idea of what they should be doing and we called it good. By that time everyone was pretty tired so it was dinner then start settling down. My brother and Marty (ed's brother in law) went out for a couple of drinks which had me a little worried because I don't totally trust Marty not to get him smashed and do something stupid but it was fine.

   The next morning the alarm clock went off at 6AM. My first thought was as alway, go away I want to sleep, but then I remembered why we had to be up so early that morning and jumped out of bed. After a quick cup of coffee and having kids trail in for breakfast, I hopped in the shower then we loaded up the truck of everything we needed. All of a sudden I could see the floor of my closet for the first time in about 4 months. LOL. Marty went with us and Amy, my maid of honor and my brother Roy met us down there and we set everything up. I had been worried that it would look cheap or underdone with so few decorations but with the beauty of the woods around it, I'm glad I didn't go overboard. It turned out perfect.

Ed and Marty headed back to the house to get ready and pick up the cake while Amy and I went to my mom's house to get ready. That was a bit of a surreal feeling. All the times that we had spent in high school and beyone in front of a mirror doing our hair and make up for a dance or to go out to the bar or something. And here we were doing it again for the first time in probably about a year and it was for my wedding. It still hadn't really hit me. Even as I put on my dress it didn't feel totally real. I had tried on my dress so many times with alterations and such that it was just another trial run at that time. Amy's dress turned out lovely and she looked really great.

The two of us then headed down to the park where we met up with Ed's sister Jen and the two of her kids who were going to be in the wedding. She told me of how poor Chris, the ringbearer, had been terrified that he had lost one of the rings but that it had all worked out and everything was ready. We were just giving a couple stragglers the time to get settled before we drove down. At this time somehow it still didn't feel completely real even though I'm sitting in a van in a giant white dress with my maid of honor and my soon to be sister in law. But when we got down to the back section of the park and the kids started to walk down the aisle...t hen it hit me. I turned to Amy and said, this is it sis. She smiled and made her way down the aisle.

   It seemed forever before the music began and I started my walk down the aisle. Seeing everyone rise to their feet and all eyes on my I realized I hadn't thought this moment through very much. Do I look at the crowd? Do I keep my eyes on him? But nature kind of took care of that and other than smiling at a few special people I had to keep most of my concentration on not tripping on the uneaven ground. Then I got to the alter and saw him waiting there and it was really real. OMG... I'm getting married!!! LOL

   The ceremony was perfect. The preacher had an elequent voice and the wording we had worked out flowed very nicely. Roy read a lovely poem for us. The whole time for some reason the whole right side of my body was shaking unconctrollably. Thankfully my dress was poofy enough that you couldn't see how shaky my leg was though later Ed told me my hands were shaking so badly and my smile kind of off that he had to fight not to laugh at me. Everything went off without a hitch. Well, almost. THe wind blew out our unity candle just as the preacher was saying 'let this light be a symbol of your love...' but we all had a good laugh over it and it actually kind of released some of the tension in me that things don't have to be 'perfect' to be magical. I just knew I was standing there saying my vows and going through the rights with him looking at me with more love in his eyes than I realized was possible, much less that he felt. As many of you know I've been an insecure person and have had trouble trusting his love sometimes over the past year and a half but seeing it like that so openly in his eyes, I doubt I'll ever question him... or my own worth for that matter... again, and if I do, all I have to do is think back on that day.

   Then it was a typical reception. Wandering around, hugging people, getting congratulations. You know, anyone who is going to a wedding should put some thought into how to hug a bride without pulling on her veil and therefore on her hair. LOL. Once he ate (he was starving.. had been to nervous to eat breakfast), we had the first dance which was pure magic. I had heard people say that they forgot anyone esle was in the world and it was totally true. I totally forgot that everyone was watching us and just got lost in his arms. Of course we cut the cake.. he smeared me with icing and ran away before I could get revenge.... and I danced with all the male members of my family (even my dad :o) and a few of the little ones. I got to talk to Amber and her sisters a lot and really catch up with them after not seeing them in so long.

Then basically, we cleaned everything up, went home and changed clothes... and fell asleep on the couch. LOL. We were so tired. :) But all in all it was a perfect, wonderful, magical day that turned out so much better than expected and that I will definatly never forget.

First Wedding Pictures

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 19:06:47 GMT

Okay first of the wedding pics are up! These are the ones that my friend Amber took and she did a really great job. I can't wait to get the album from her :) We also have the ones my mom took, just need to get them scanned, and am waiting for the ones from his sister. We are also going to get some proffessional ones done in a couple weeks (probably). So there will be more to come but heres some at least :)

http://s232.photobucket.com/albums/ee201/littlelovebird07/Wedding%20Pics/

MRS. GLOBENSKY

Sun, 06 Jul 2008 20:07:11 GMT

I was on anyway getting stuff from my parents house so I want to write this while it's still fresh in my mind.

My god, I'm a married woman. LOL. To be honest having lived together it doesn't feel any differant so far. The ceremony was beautiful though. We got everything set up very quickly then had plenty of time to get ready. I'll never forget that feeling of walking down the aisle and seeing him at the end or of looking into his eyes, so full of love, as we recited our vows. At times I think he was basically holding me up. My right leg would not start shaking. LOL. But it was a great ceremony that went off with only one hitch. The unity candle's flame kept going out. It was hilarious, just as the preacher was saying "let this flame be an example of your marriage..." the flame went out. We all laughed so it was good anyway. The bakery kinda messed up our cake but by that point I didn't care. I got most of my family there and some old friends I hadn't seen in forever and we got to talk about old times. I can't wait to watch the video. We got the ceremony, the first dance and me and Ed dancing with some of the kids.

I'll probably write a lot more about this weekend when I've had time to recover from it. Thanks for all the happy thoughts and well wishes. I only wish all of you could have been there because I consider all of you my friends also. I promise to show pics here and on myspace and facebook as soon as I can.

MISS YOU GUYS

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 18:24:34 GMT

I'm going to have to come over to my parents house more and get online cuz I really miss talking to all my friends. Not like I can talk to anyone other than Ed here and he's caught up in the same mess. Finances are getting tight and it rains ALL THE TIME, (even snowed yesterday!!) so we're cramped up and bored and stress and get on each others nerves at times. But we're doing pretty good. Can't wait for the wedding. My god it's almost here :) Less than a month. Still gotta get out marriage license.

Neal is driving us all nuts. Now he's throwing this total fit that no one cares about him especially me and ed and they are moving down to indiana to be with family and how we aren't really family. I don't really care but it makes me mad that they posted all this one thier myspace making us out to look like horrible people because we don't go out of our way to drag them downstairs in my parents house and interact with them. THey know we're here, they can come downstairs, they can call us anytime.

SOrry, didn't mean that to turn into a rant. Well... hope to talk to you all soon. Miss Ya.

Hi

Sat, 31 May 2008 21:48:01 GMT

As always just checking in. Really sorry I haven't been able to keep up with what is going on in y'all's life. But when you only get to check things once a week or so.. well, that friends list gets a bit long. LOL. Hope you are all doing well and the muse is with you.

I've been reading more than writing. Still haven't caught up on my 2yn.. soon, I promise... but do have an old story nearly edited enough to go out to agents (again.. first time in at least five years though)... I just have to decide if I want to go ahead and send it out or follow Holly's advice and finish the two that come after it first. We'll see.

Still no job. And money is trying to get tight due to some unexpected expenses. But I've applied to a lot of places, including our local library and hopefully one of them will pop soon.

Was up in a tiny neighboring town yesterday and this building that was for sale made me remember my dream of owning my own bookstore. Don't know if the money will ever be available for that but it never hurts to dream. Also went to the carnival last night. I've always known they were fun, but never realized how romantic they could be. It was so nice getting out just the two of us and forgetting about our troubles for a bit. He won me a stuffed unicorn :) and a kung fu tiger. lol.

Well.. hope all is well and that I get to talk to you all soon.

Hi

Wed, 28 May 2008 01:03:28 GMT

Just a quick note to say I'm still around. I haven't been able to make it to the library as often as I would have liked but my mom has internet again so I might be able to get on more through her. I really miss talking to all of you. Hope everything is well.

The wedding is just around the corner. !!!!!!!! Everything is almost done and I can't wait. We ordered the cake today and it is going to be soooo pretty. I promise to post pictures as soon after as I can.

Still writing and reading and all that. Still no job but I'm not freaking yet. Stay well all and I'll hopefull talk to y'all soon.

Still alive... barely :p

Thu, 08 May 2008 17:57:19 GMT

Hey y'all.. Just wanted to let you all know that I am still alive. We don't have internet at home so I'm at the public library. I'll probably start coming here more once I don't feel like crap anymore. I went to the doctor yesterday and he said I have a bronchial and sinus infection and gave me antibiotics and some wonderfully strong cough medicine that helps me sleep. I feel a little better already. But I am so weak. This morning I went to the grocery store, starbucks and here.. and I am so ready for a nap! But I still have to stop back by the grocery store to see if my pictures are ready. I would let them wait but we need them for something in Ed's business that he needs to get done right away.

Now job offers yet but as sick as I've been that is okay with me. I applied for unemployment even though I hate the thought. Still, it's money coming in. Hopefully I won't be on it long.

Wedding invites went out and have met with rave reviews. Some of the people I thought were shoe-ins to come aren't (one of them for really stupid reasons) but that's okay. My parents and his siblings will be there and those are the most important people.

Other than that there really isn't much to tell. I can't stay on cuz my battery is going to die or I would come into chat. If someone reads this give everyone there my love and tell them I hope to be in soon. THanks for keeping me and my family in your thoughts and prayers. You're all great friends.

(oh.. and I haven't written much just about 800 words but I have Snowcats a little clearer and have cool ideas for two new YA thrillers like I used to love to read :) And Ed bought me the new Dean Koontz book. So at least I have stuff to do as I'm stuck at home. AND! if you like romantic comedy you must must see 27 dresses. So cute. I'm totally getting my hair cut like Jane too.)

Pathetic

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 20:13:13 GMT

I've been replaced by a total bimbo. She doesn't know what an SASE is. She thought Quickbooks was his bank and 'how does he get his money then?" Oi vey. but she's young and rich and pretty. You know how the rich are. They mingle with thier own. I told him I would be in in the morning but I really don't know if I will be. I should, for the paycheck and the reference but I don't know if I can handle it.

Between dealing with this and being sick I haven't really gotten anything done. I'll have loads of time soon. And I'm almost all better now so :p Just realized I didn't dissenfect the keyboard and stuff like I meant to.. so she might get sick .. oh well. God I'm mean sometimes.

Anyway, odn't really know anything else. Just wanted to update. Talk to ya when I can LJ and chat :)

Probably Disapearing

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 20:08:01 GMT

Just so y'all know.. you probably won't see me for a while. If at all anymore.

On monday I start training my replacement in this job. and who knows where I'll be working next or whether I will have internet access. So, yeah.. I'll try to keep you up to date.. if I can. Bye.

SS Metrics for Tuesday 4/22/08

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 18:20:41 GMT

Better late than never :p

Starting count: 0 (again :p)

Ending count: 1593

Starting Line: Leena stood on the edge of the market square and studied the people milling about.

Ending Line: The lady glanced at the level of the sun then nodded. "I certainly hope so." She gave Leena’s hand a final squeeze and Mica’s head a soft pat before dashing off towards the expensive end of town.

Darling: Every eye in the market was on him by the time he reached the dainty feet of the young lady. With practiced ease he raised himself up on his hindlegs and offered the handkerchief back to her, his eyes filled with regret and apologies. As Leena had expected, the young woman practically melted as she reached down and retrieved the now rather dirty scrap of lace. Mica lowered to all fours, his tail tucked underneath his front paws as if he was really afraid someone might cut it off.

The whole scene really. It practically wrote itself and is just so cute :) Even my fiance who isn't a reader and doesn't really like cats liked it :)

Wedding Song List

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:15:25 GMT

I mentioned needing music in chat and a lot of you were kind enough to offer your music services if I just posted a list. I can't say again just how special FM chat is :) So here is my list. If you want you can email me the songs at littlelovebird07@yahoo.com. Once I get a song I'll try to remember to cross it off so that we don't duplicate too much. I'm doing this list from memory since my list is at home :( but I think I remember 90% of them. Also once you get the feel for what I'm going for and you have something not on the list that you think would fit, go ahead and send it along. Thanks again all!! (okay.. that got really long and I could keep going.. so I'm going to stop here and put it behind a cut. If I find my list and there is something really important I'm missing I'll let you know.)

She's Everything - Brad Paisly
It's Your Love - Tim Mcgraw and Faith Hill
~~All My Life - K Cee and JoJo~~
When You Say Nothing at All - Alison Krause or Kieth Whitley
How Do I Live- Trisha Yearwood or Leann Rymes
I Knew I Loved You - Savage Garden
Truly Madly Deeply - Savage Garden
~~(Everything I Do) I Do It For You - Bryan Adams~~
From This Moment On - Shania Twain and Bryan White (or just Shania Twain)
~~Back at One - Bryan Mcknight~~
~~More Than Words - Extreme~~
I Swear - All 4 1 or John Michael Montgomery
~~Because You Loved Me - Celine Dion~~
~~Don't Want to Miss a Thing - Aerosmith or the country artist :p~~
Take My Breath Away - Berlin
Lost in this Moment - Big and Rich
~~Total Eclipse of the Heart - Bonnie Tyler~~
You're the Inspiration - Chicago
Fall - Clay Walker
~~This Kiss - Faith Hill~~
~~I Want to Know What Love Is - Foriegner~~
If Tommorrow Never Comes - Garth Brooks
When You Love a Woman - Journey
Three Times a Lady - Lionel Richie
~~Amazed - Lonestar~~
I Would Do Anything For Love - Meatloaf
When a Man Loves a Woman - Perry Sledge
I need You - Leanne Rhymes
Can't Fight This Feeling - REO Speedwagon
Forever and For Always - Shania Twain
~~Your Still The One - Shania Twain~~
Lets Make Love - Tim and Faith
Wind Beneath my wings - any version
Have I told you Lately - Rod Stewart
Valentine - Martina Mcbride (or any of her love songs!)
Somewhere out there - ?
Tonight I Celebrate My Love - Bryson and FLack
That's What Love is for - Amy Grant
Every Heartbeat - Amy Grant
Almost Paradise - ?
~~Can't Fight the Moonlight - Leanne Rhymes~~
Addicted to Love - Robert Palmer
A Whole New World - Movie version or Peobo Bryson
Your Love Amazes Me - John Berry
Your Everything - Kieth Urban
~~(I've had) TIme of My life - From DIrty Dancing~~
Up Where We Belong
I Could not ask for more -either version
Keeper of the Stars - Tracy Byrd
Love of a Lifetime - Firehouse
Any of Vince Gills Love songs
The Way You Look Tonight - Elton John

I haz a sick :(

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 16:04:16 GMT

I've had this bad cough for like two weeks now and it's really starting to get the better of me. By everything I'm reading online I think it is bronchitis and I've been making it worse by taking antihistimines. Oh well.. back to straight vitamen C and loads of tea and juice. I will get through this without going to the doctor... okay.. if it doesn't get better over the weekend I'll go to the doctor next week. maybe... I friggin hate doctors :(

anyway, the story is going fairly well even though I still feel as if I am missing a piece of the puzzle. Work is slow, boss has barely been in the office lately so that gives me lots of time to do my own thing. Of course that usually equates to slacking off instead of writing but you know ;)

But good news.. wedding invites go out today!! Yay!! So certain peoples need to keep an eye on thier mail boxes! :)

Plot.. I haz one!

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 18:09:10 GMT

After long idea bouncing withstood by very nice friends.. I finally have some symbelance of a plot :) The title Winter's Magic doesn't even come close to fitting anymore so right now it will just be the Snowcats Story :) And it's trying to turn into a more political intrigue/murder mystery in a fantasy setting. Fine by me. Now if my characters would learn to just tell me stuff like that instead of making me drag it out of them. There is still a missing element but I think it'll come to me if I just keep picking at it.

Also, finally got to buy a flash drive so that I can type at home and at work without forgetting what I've written. This will speed me up immesurably. Fiance didn't really want to spend the 15 bux on it until I explained that with this I would actually use my laptop that we're paying so much for, not just leave it shoved under the bed :p

SO very shortly metrics should start appearing again and should be more impressive this time around. I know this is the third restart but restart is infinitely better than give up.. right?

Nice weekend

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 16:15:31 GMT

Friday actually turned out to be a blast. Even though I drank a bit too much for it being only the noon hour. LOL. Found out that there are a couple people I work with who I actually like :o. LOL. It was just fun. Yes, you heard me right.. I went out and did something fun with Ed there and had a great time!

Speaking of him. He says the company isn't bad. He's going to try to talk the owner into sub-contracting him instead of hiring him outright so that he's still working for himself. I really don't understand how that all works but whatever :) He does and says the guy would be a fool not to take the deal. I just have to remember to mail off his workmens comp exempt paperwork today.

Realized on Saturday that we have less than two months until the wedding and went into slight bit of panic mode. The flowers are now almost done. I just have one and a half flower balls left to do but have to wait until the stores get in more purple flowers.. especially since two bunches looked very pink once I got them home :( But the ones I have done look amazing. Making me worry about th bouquets but I think its more freakout than actually not liking them. Invitations should be made today and mailed tomorrow!!

No writing got done :(( Draven refuses to tell me what the horrible secret is that he is hiding, one that would be so serious that he would take the fall for a murder that he didn't commit. Or maybe he did commit it but there was a good reason. Either way the dude needs to talk to me :) Oh, yeah.. and I need to do my 2YN post for the week.

Meow Messages is officially on hold :( So very sad. But I can't find a free design software that is of the quality I need to make this work and we can't afford 100 bux for a program right now. So it isn't saying never. Just not right now. Besides, with ER Insulation, the wedding :D :D and my writing, something had to go (I was way too stressed and way too busy to enjoy anything) so this can be put on back burner until after the wedding. Hopefully by then we'll be able to pick it up again.

Well.. that's about all I know... boss isn't in until after lunch today so I'm off to consider decorations a bit more and then work on writing. Have a good Monday all :D

Don't wanna

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 15:44:10 GMT

Next week is secretary's day. I am now a secretary. So today our whole office is supposed to go out to lunch together. I don't wanna. I don't really like going out with anyone but family and these are people that I hardly know. Yes, we work side by side everyday and even sometimes talk about personal stuff but they don't know my picky habits, or the fact that I rarely eat those giant portions resteraunts give you, or that to a lot of people.. I have nothing interesting to talk about. *sigh* guess I'll just sit there and take it.. it's only one hour out of my life right?

BTW- Ed started a new job today. Doing the same thing he was just with a differant company. He doesn't have to take it. If he doesn't like them he can go back to taking unemployment and we'll be fine. But he likes to work and the business is slow getting started. He called this morning and sounded happy so keep your fingers crossed. That's all I want.. is him happy. The bank account will work itself out.

Writing Realization

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 17:16:59 GMT

A post on FMwriters (I would crow it's worth but I think everyone on my list is already a member) sent me into a tailspin this morning. It was a very innocent post. Just a poll wondering whether we more *see* or *hear* our stories, or some combination thereof. I don't know if it was how it was worded or just hit me at the right moment but man did it ever hit me.

I was instantly taken back to when I wrote High Master (Gynn, Brenn.. how are the reads coming?) and Soulmates (still need to fix that ending). These are my only two finished novels. These are the stories I have gotten the best crits out of. These are the ones that will not get out of my mind and who won't leave me alone until they are polished to a shine and pushed out the door. Again in High Master's case.

Both times I was so immersed in the world that during the times that I was writing.. I was there. As I posted on FM, it was as if I were one of those people who go and film documentries by following people around but not interfering in what is happening, no matter how awful or gruesome it is. Or how wonderful. Every now and then a character would pull me into another room and rant, laugh, cry or *squeee* over what was going on then we would jump back in and pick up were things left off.. unless someone esle decided to pull me off to tell their side of things. I functioned in the real world perfectly normal, I could put the story aside, but when I sat down at that computer or opened that notebook... I was in Ramleaj or 1950's London living their trials and tribulations right beside them. I cried when Nemclis died, laughed at Kesler's magical foibals, yearned for Audrey to be able to tell Peter how she felt, understood Peters fear of dying and fear of telling her.

The point? The sad point is it hasn't been that way in a long time. I finished Ramleaj, second or third draft depending on how you count, in about the summer of 03.. then Soulmates in the fall of 05.... nothing has captivated me that way since. My mom thinks its becuase I have a life now (good job, fiance, etc.) so I don't have to live vicariously through my characters. Someone in chat told me maybe I grew out of needing to write that way and something new is on the horizon. I don't think either is quite right. Or maybe that I hope they aren't. That was what I loved about writing. Getting emmersed in a world of my own creation and having these characters come to life and let me see and record the wonderful adventure that they were going through. My writing was alive and colorful and deep. I go back and read those stories and there are layers and meanings that I didn't even realize I was putting in when I was writing. I read my work sense then and it feels cold and clinical as the law jargon I type for work.

When did this change happen? Why did it happen? I almost fear it is becuase I've gone through some dark points in my life and learned some things about myself and the world that I would rather not know. Maybe I've had my eyes opened so much that I've forgotten how to dream. That I've lost that little piece of me that almost believed my stories where real and true in a differant dimension or something and I was just chronicling them to share with the world. The biggest question... how do I find my way back to that place?

Interesting Weekend

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 21:50:57 GMT

Pretty good all around.

First of all.. visiting the game farm was amazing. We saw all kinds of wild animals closer than most people could even dream of. I wasn't allowed to take any pictures since they were in their cages but she's going to send me some others have taken and I will share them with you. My god. There was this mountain lion who was just beautiful if a little pissed off. All of the wolves were amazing but the alpha male was HUGE. His shoulders came up almost to my shoulders when he stood on all fours... he stood on his hind legs and he was a good head taller than me. And his teeth!! Wow. But we were with the lady who bottlefed him as a pup so he was just as playful as a house dog. There were two tigers, an old female who looked tired and a young two year old male. They said the male still has two years worth of growing to do! He wasn't as tall as the wolf but was longer than I am tall and already weighs over 500 pounds!!! And just absolutely gorgous.

Then the snow leopards, the ones I went to see. OMG. So pretty, and a lot differant from how I imagined them. The ones they had there at that time where just cubs, not even a year old. But they were almost as big as the full grown mountain lion in the cage next to them. They're paws were almost as big as my two hands put together, and their tales are longer than their body length. The most amazing thing though was their attitude. All the other cats paced and played and seemed rather restless. The snow leopards, even as cubs, were very quiet and docile. They play but in a much calmer way. For the most part they prefer to just sit and stare at you. And those eyes. They aren't slit like most cats but big and round, and it feels as if they are staring straight through to your soul. You can't look away, you are totally entraced by them and find yourself wondering what they see in you. They do not purr or roar. They have a 'chuff' almost like a cough or 'huff' if they like you and are saying hello. Their version of a hiss is called a 'scream' and that is a fitting name. It sounds almost human and is a very scary noise. They 'screamed' at the mountain lion because it growled at them. Bone chilling sound.

After that we went fishing with Ed's father and my parents for my dad's birthday and then again on Sunday. Only caught one fish and we're waiting for the picture to come back to figure out what the heck it was. LOL. Got a bit sunburnt but all in all it was a good time. So nice to be back out in nature and enjoying the weather. Of course then this week is all supposed to be cloudy and gloomy. Oh well, guess that's spring in Montana.

Weekend Metrics

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 21:38:42 GMT

Starting count: 3748

Ending Count: 4192

Gain: 444

Starting Line: "What about Dara?"

Ending Line: She could feel blood oozing from her palm but didn't have time to worry about it.

Darling: None really.

*****

Not super impressive for the amount of time I spent on the river with my notebook open watching Ed fish but I also got a lot of work done on the cards so the time wasn't a total loss.

Also, reminder to self: It is okay to write crap. This is a first draft!

ATTENTION ALL CAT OWNERS/LOVERS!!! :D

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 16:53:32 GMT

see more crazy cat pics

Hey, I know a bunch of y'all have cats and I've seen a few really great pictures posted on here of them. The request I have is that some of you might let me use a few of those wonderful pictures. Let me explain.

I was ~~procrastinating~~ browsing through LOLcats on icanhascheezburger.com and had the thought, "Why hasn't anyone made greeting cards out of these?" The website can't becuase they don't own the rights to any of the photos or captions. But I figured if I could get enough pictures, I could definatly come up with the captions and could make a really cute line of greeting cards to be sold (at first) in my local area and possibly over the internet if I could get it set up (albathetross, maybe you could eventually help me with that?). But the two cats that I have access to don't do enough cute/funny stuff to make a whole line.

That's where you come in. I know many of you have very cute cats and have seen great pictures of them. If you would allow me the use of those pictures, we would make up a contract of some sort of exactly how much rights to them I had and you would keep your original photo. I would also send you a copy any card that was made from your pictures. I could even do a photo credit on the back of the card with your cat's name and/or your name if you would like. All the details can be worked at a later time.

eblgorton; I especially am interested in the one that you posted of your new kitten that I added a caption to and posted as a comment on your LJ. I already have an idea for that card :p

If anyone is interested in this they can comment me here and /or email me at meowmessages@gmail.com. This is a temporary email account until I can get the website set up, but I will let everyone know well before it changes. Thanks in advance for any help.

So Sore

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 16:05:08 GMT

My arms are killing me.. and my legs aren't exactly happy. We bought one of those Chuch Norriss Total Gym thingies over the weekend.. and let me tell you they work. I used it for twenty minutes on a full body workout on Saturday and then just legs on Sunday and I ache so bad. Ed is even worse since he's going for heavier weights to try and bulk up. I'm sticking to low weight and high reps to tone up. It would be nice to have no arm jiggle by july since my dress is sleeveless.

Other than that not really anything going on. Writing on Winter's Magic has slowed. Right at the moment it is just plain boring. I don't think I've quite found the focus of the story yet. But i'm not going to stop or even start over. Even if it is total drivel, still its on the page and drivel can be fixed. I will have metrics in a bit but they won't be very impressive.

We tried going fishing yesterday but the wind was just too cold. We were only out there for about an hour. Felt so good to get out of town though. Didn't realize how much I had missed being by the rivers and lakes all winter until I was back out there. Hopefully the business takes off well enough that we can afford to get out more but not so much that we don't have the time.

I hate accounting

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 20:24:18 GMT

Can't go into details but just know that.. it sucks. And its going to get suckier before it gets better I think.

Good news though... one week from tomorrow I get to go to this game preserve here by my home town and have a private tour and study the snow leopards they keep there :) Free of charge. Because I took a chance and wrote them an email that I was writing a book with big cats based off of snow leopards.. and they said yeah, come on down. I am sooooo excited.

But for now I am off for a quite weekend at home with my sweety, hopefully filled with lots of work getting done on the story and on the wedding. And some rest time too ;) Bye for now all.. have a great weekend!!

Fun stuff stolen from CW

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 20:51:47 GMT

<td align="center">You will be famous for writing a national bestseller

You are very observant and tend to be the wallflower at parties. You are intuitive and know just how to communicate everything that you are feeling to those around you.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com</td>